1: Philosophy of names is a fun way to start.
2: A slightly confusing metaphor. It jumps from her name’s figurative weight to her name’s effect on her physical weight.
1: Wouldn’t expect her size to be notable in the neonatal intensive care unit.
2: I like how it spells out the chain of events for the lullaby being passed down.
3: The comparison is kind of convoluted. The lullaby is like milk that flows into the person hearing it?
4: The simile continues; the milk is also “carrying a wordless wish” that is heard by “every heart.” It’s starting to sound like Disney lyrics.
1: Some awkward pronoun usage; “its song” refers to the voice(’s song), and “keep it close” could refer to the voice or the song.
2: A nice character observation.
1: Another slightly awkward metaphor that mixes physical strength with strength of character.
2: Not immediately clear what “one” refers to.
Verdict: Goes for a unique style but doesn’t quite pull it off.
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