Nice opening. Introduces a setting, a character relationship, and an interesting opinion about magic.
1: Vague word choice, could refer to the cart or the person in it.
2: The tone feels sort of juvenile, maybe trying a little too hard to sound child-like.
3: Rocks are pretty cool.
4: These actions are slightly repetitive.
5: Unclear pronoun use.
1: I’m finding the imagery a little vague. It doesn’t give a sense of how the quarry looks within the surrounding landscape, and phrases like “various tunnels” and “ledges and paths” are pretty unspecific.
2: I like similes, but three in a short paragraph might be a little excessive.
1: I like the small actions scattered throughout that give a window into their relationship.
2: Repeated word choice.
3: Still not getting a sense of the layout of the quarry.
Verdict: Rocky but has potential.
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