Weird to start out with a description of something that isn’t happening.
1: Feels like it's trying a little too hard to be whimsical.2: An awkward spot to break up the sentence.
This is information they both already know. It feels like an “As you know…” line to catch the reader up. Also, building a complicated circuit without testing it first seems like wild behavior.
1: Awkward phrasing.
2: I like this image.
1: Some cliche phrases that don’t convey much urgency.
2: A really obvious and stilted way to express fear.
Verdict: Cool ideas but awkwardly written.
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